Continuing Dr. John DeFrain of the University of Nebraska insight regarding strong families, here are 10 principles to conflict resolution:

 

1. Look for the good in your other family members and give compliments to each of them very often - physically (hugs)/verbal (I love you, you look great!), they NEED to hear it. Show some affection from time to time to keep a positive environment around the household. Certain families might struggle in showing such explicit affection for one another, but little things can make a big difference.

2. Criticising a loved one gets you nowhere. Find ways to say it without attacking them, be creative and wise in your delivery. You cannot make another individual do good by making them feel bad. It is an ineffective way to help them realise what they’ve done wrong. 

3. Take time to listen! If you are the one doing most of the talking, then you are most likely not learning a thing. When you take the time to listen you will be able to learn and understand more about them and the world they live in. Ask questions to keep up engagement! 

4. Listen to understand, not to judge. Don’t jump straight into disagreeing, or why their viewpoint is “wrong”, instead, listen to what they have to say as different perspectives can come up as a strength in a group such as a family.

5. After listening, summarise what they’ve said before sharing your feelings. By doing this, it proves that you listened and understood. Often one or the other would get upset and won't listen to each other. If you don’t listen, you’d struggle with trying to understand one another. 

6. Share your personal feelings - don't hide feelings from loved ones. They can help in their own way. Those who cannot open up tend to be lonely and abandoned in life - this leads to depression on one hand or anger and violence on the other. 

7. Blaming each other for problems is a big mistake,  a waste of time, and leads you nowhere. Rather than blaming one another, instead, ask each other "How can we work together to solve this problem?"

8. If problems persist, focus on creating as many new solutions and try them out one at a time - brainstorming a list of solutions then experimenting with different approaches until you find the right one to apply. 

9. If problems still persist, seek ideas from loved ones, friends, and professionals - some things are too difficult to deal with alone, reach out to people you trust and respect to ask for help or guidance from. No need to open up about everything all at once if you are not comfortable doing so, opening up little by little is already a great step in resolving the problem.

10. We are all in this together. Families will not thrive if every one of us only cares about ourselves. Looking out for one another, helping out when another seems down, spending quality time together and many other ways of working together builds a family up to become a strong family.

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